The Art of Failing Forward

I have a confession to make:

I'm pretty sure I'm failing my math class.

Not failing like I'm not gonna get an A — actually failing.

Combinatorials, proofs, integrals, everything was just beating me up EVERY week. And while I was drowning in long tests and pretending to understand proofs, I was also shipping code at one of the Philippines' most exciting fintech startups.

It was chaotic, humbling, and one of the most incredible two months of my life.

If you read my last blog post, you’ll remember I talked a lot about a mindset shift I had, this idea of creating “surface area” for yourself. Stepping outside the Ateneo bubble. Saying yes to things that scare you. Reaching out even when you feel underqualified.

Well, this is the story of what happened when I actually put that philosophy into practice.

the essay that started everything

The whole thing began in the most random, unplanned way: a final paper for SocSc 12 during intersession. The topic?

Modernity.

And the assignment was simple: interview two people from different age groups and it can be about anything.

My startup-obsessed brain at the time saw this as a golden opportunity.

For the younger interviewee, I talked to Hailey Yap, the insanely impressive 17-year-old founder of Kultibado, a platform connecting farmers directly to buyers. She was sharp, ambitious, and easy to talk to.

But for the older age group, my friend Kir gave me a name that would change everything:

Artie Lopez, Co-Founder of NextPay.

Hi Sir Artie!

I’m Alexi, a CS student from Ateneo currently working on a final paper for my Social Science class. I’m focusing on how people from different age groups view startups, success, and contentment.

My friend Kir (she was part of a startup you mentored) recommended I reach out to you, she said you’d have a really insightful perspective given your work with NextPay and your experience as a mentor.

It’s just a short set of 5 questions, and you can answer at your convenience. I’d really appreciate your time and insight. Thank you so much in advance!

I sent a cold message fully expecting a polite “sure, send the questions here.” Instead, he offered to hop on a call.

Just like that, everything shifted.

the question that changed the semester

The call for the paper went great. Artie was generous, insightful, funny, and clearly passionate about the work he did.

And at the end of the interview, something in me snapped.

I don’t know if it was courage or delusion, but I took a deep breath and asked:

“Are you guys looking for interns?”

It felt like asking someone out on a date (never done this ever).

But his answer wasn't rejection. It was a challenge.

"If you wanna build real stuff and financial products, then yeah I can send my team your work"

I had shown him my portfolio during the call and told him that he can send it to his team and he said that he had already did.

A week later, I found myself added to a GC with the NextPay engineering team. They scheduled a call with another one of the founders, Don. And this wasn’t the “HR asks you about strengths and weaknesses” type of call. It was more like "Walk us through your biggest project and defend every choice"

We talked about One Big Match, how it worked, why it worked, why I built it that way. Don asked me questions I didn’t always have answers to, but instead of being discouraged, I felt great! It was the first time I was treated like someone who had real potential.

A week later, I got the internship offer.

I was in.

The Codebase That Humbled Me

My first day hit me like a truck.

The second I opened the GitHub repositories, I froze. Thousands of files. Millions of lines. A system powering financial operations for actual businesses.

Real-world code doesn’t look anything like school code. It’s bigger, scarier, and much more interconnected. Every function touches five other functions. Every file imports twenty others. One typo can break something critical.

I was humbled. Completely humbled.

The best analogy I can give is this:

it felt like being thrown into the ocean without knowing how to swim, but also being surrounded by people who promised they wouldn’t let you drown.

At NextPay, when you work on something, you own it. You’re trusted with a part of the system, not to babysit it, but to understand it and improve it with your teammates. You’re part of building something that matters.

It’s heavy responsibility, but it’s also unbelievably empowering.

the daily syncs that felt like code defenses

My first small project came with daily sync calls for three days straight.

Imagine a thesis defense but:

• You don't fully understand the codebase
• You're scared of breaking something
• Everyone in the call is older and more experienced
• and the deadline is real, not academic

It was scary, I won't pretend that I was confident.

But it was also the fastest I have ever learned in my life.

Every day I understood a little more Every day I learned a new pattern, new concept, a new way to think about things.

It was like a two-month accelerated course in real software engineering.

meanwhile...

All of this happened while I was:

• taking a full academic load
• drowning in 14 units of math
• serving as an officer in three orgs

There were times where everything would overlap, a math quiz, a org meeting, and sync calls.

I thought I'd short-circuit.

But what I loved about NextPay is that it was really flexible and they worked around my heavy schedule. So it never really affected my work since I was able to take time off to work on my academics.

the full-circle ending

Last Friday was my last day. And in the most perfect timing ever, I met most of the engineering team in person at Philippine Startup Week. People I had only seen through screens suddenly became real. And somehow, instead of feeling like the nervous kid who cold-messaged founders, I felt like I belonged.

I came out of this internship confused, humbled, stretched, and deeply motivated. I definitely felt lost the entire time, but it was the most productive kind of lost.

And the best part?

They invited me back in January.

the art of failing forward

My last post was about the theory of stepping outside your bubble. This experience was the practice.

It was messy.

It was scary.

It was overwhelming.

I didn't have the answers most of the time.

But here's what I learned: failing forward is an art.

It's not about avoiding mistakes or pretending to have it all together. It's about showing up anyway. It's about being okay with being the least experienced person in the room. It's about asking questions even when you feel dumb. It's about taking on challenges that scare you.

That's the most productive kind of lost, when you're moving forward even while feeling completely out of your depth.

I showed up.

And that made all the difference.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a math final to somehow pass.